In yet another creative way to part suckers with their money, televangelist fraudster Jim Bakker has come up with a new Armageddon-based product with which you can ride out the apocalypse in comfort. If you act right now while phone lines are open, Jim is offering you the deal of a lifetime on one of his apocalypse-proof cabins nestled deep in the woods of Missouri’s Ozark Mountains.
“Do you know the people from the government, from NASA, the research from so many of them, they have said in their research that the safest place to live in troubled times is right here. That’s why God brought us here,” Bakker said.
Old Jim has rocketed back into the limelight after a scandal at his former home The PTL Club, in which he embezzled millions of dollars in donations for personal use, sent him to jail. Now he’s back and selling the American public the only known products that can withstand the Wrath of God, such as “Warfare Water Bottles,” huge buckets of gross goop that is supposed to be preserved “survival” food, and now Godproof mountain cabins.
One has to wonder — if Jim is telling everywhere where his cabins full of food, water, and safety are located, wouldn’t this be one of the first places a mob of desperate people seeking a bite to eat and a respite from fire and brimstone go to? Maybe Jim planned it that way. People can’t demand a refund because your shanty failed to keep God out if an angry mob already showed up and killed them for a bucket of pancake mix.